welness journey

What do you see?

Had I lost weight?

Or worn out?

I always loved the way I am

Yet the unwavering struggle between self-esteem,

Eating habits and my weight gain!

What instigated this ambivalence?

The idea of so called "Beauty Standards"

The pressure that the society laid me with this very idea

Was not so direct. 

It started from the very comfort place - Home

Denial of certain dresses 

Pointing out that am fat

People used to point out 

At the quantity I eat is the reason why I am fat

Some even persuaded me with the appeal of fear

That I'd be even more obese when I become a mother 

Since I am from that kind of genetics.

I don't say am not open to criticism

Yet few people are even unaware 

That they are body shaming

And being body shamed. 

The stress it lays 

Pulls them to predicament

I've lost nearly __kg. Unlike influencers or others, I won't say it all happened in a blink of an eye. My body took its own time. In fact, the process had many phases. In each phase, different factors played their part.

I decided to never compromise on the quantity I eat. I feel blessed to have that appetite. I started to walk. I used to do this before. But this time it was different. My focus was not to lose weight, but to lose fat. Hot water diet works extremely well during summer. 

Then I tried fasting twice in a month to let my gut rest. It resulted in easy and quick digestion and I felt energetic all the time. I lost a very little in this phase, but my gut felt better. 

Then comes the stress, I gave up all the above yet I lost a little. 

 In the next stage I started to write down every single thing I'd eaten in a day and analyzed how much unhealthy or outside food I consumed per day. Slowly I reduced processed food like biscuits and chocolates, and anything that's cooked commercially. It gave a drastic result. Sometimes missing those foods would break you down. I felt it was okay, since good food is very often, even most often simple foods. So I started taking simple yet nutritious foods. 

    Having breakdowns quite often made me think about my body. I observed it for a while and felt that it communicated with me. and I started listening to it. Some people around me felt that I was unstable.     But I felt the most confident about that. But my body took time to process things. If I don't want to do something, I won't do it. And I don't owe any explanation to anyone.

   All of a sudden when I looked back, I found I was always confident about myself yet people made me feel different. If someone went back to my younger self and said that I've lost this much, she would've never believed. She thought I could become this only when I'd fall ill and I would look fragile. But here I am breaking my own myth by being fit. I know my look is temporary and  I'll gain some 10 Kgs in the future after childbirth or by something else. Yet I would love myself the way I would look and Now I know I can become this. Getting sick often is not a lack of immunity but leaving your body, to become alright on its own is immunity and I feel much immune now. Found better results  when I focused on becoming healthier than when I focused on losing weight. When I lost weight I lost glow, but when I focused on being healthy I glowed more than ever.   

To all the people out there who wanted to become health

  Focus on the quality of food and never ever compromise on the quantity of food, but make sure you don't eat anything after you feel full and you don't starve when you feel hungry. You may extremely crave to eat something unhealthy at times and it's okay to eat once in a while. We are all just humans. Remember weight and size are just numbers. All that matters is how healthy you are and how you perceive yourself. You'll always look beautiful the way you are.